Kunju Mama & the auto!

Friends you can chose, but relatives, you’re simply stuck with!! As we were, with my “Kunju Mama”!!

In younger & more vulnerable times, I was petrified that society would connect my uncle with me. My sister Chitra & I spent a large chunk of our childhood, trying to solve the mystery of how our refined & dignified mom & our crude Kunju Mama, blossomed from the same branch of the family tree!

My mother is a tortured soul. Poor woman is blessed with a vitriolic sense of humor, which she longs to exercise, by joining her wicked, irreverent off-springs, namely me & my sisters & having a good laugh at some of her brother’s escapades. But her unwavering loyalty to family keeps her in check!

Kunju uncle has a love for cars, which is supported by the fact that he has pots of money to blow up on them. (My practical mother even desperately suggested that if we were kinder in our thoughts & actions to him, we might stand the teeniest chance of inheriting some of that fortune – greedy as we were, the laughs were too precious to sacrifice, even at the prospect of big time moolah!) Whenever my mother came back from visiting her brother, she would proudly talk about his latest automobile acquisition. I kept track of the contessa, santro, Mercedes ….

So after one such customary visit, we were gathered around the dining table attacking idlis & molaha podi. Suddenly we noticed that our otherwise vocal mom was subdued & refused to meet our eyes. Immediately our antennae’s were up. She was no match for our combined curious onslaught & finally blurted out the dark secret which was burning a hole in her system …..

“Kunju has bought an auto”, she vomited out! We gasped in sheer horror. Once she got started, it was like a dam that had burst … she was in a state of shock! At first, there was pin drop silence & then the room reverberated with our guffaws & our stomachs ached with all the laughing! Apparently all the cars had been abandoned & now Kunju & his wife drove around in an auto – yes people, a regular, Chennai, black & yellow ugly three-wheeled affair!! Chitra’s logical mind needed to put things in their correct slots, so she demanded to know the seating arrangements … Amma shame-facedly & with a glint of pure amusement, offered that Kunju was in the driver’s seat & his wife sat behind!! We visualized this for some delicious moments ... this time, my mother joined in the hysterical merriment!!

Confession time: I didn’t tell Ashok about this – I mean if I were in his place, listening to these family anecdotes, I would worry about lunacy in the genes!!

But this came to haunt me & how! When we were in Chennai, I ran a playschool in my parents place. Everyday Ashok would drop me there, hang around for a while & then leave for work.

So one morning, after dropping me & spending some time with the school kids, Ashok went back to his car, parked in my parent’s driveway, to go to his office. The driver was looking hassled & told Ashok that the the car could not be taken out because an auto was blocking the path. Ashok was really annoyed as he was getting late & curtly told him to tell the auto driver to take his vehicle out of the way. The driver with a bemused & baffled air replied in Tamizh, that along with the ‘amma’ who had got out of the auto, the auto driver himself had boldly gone into my parent’s house!!!

Ashok’s outraged & shocked face was a treat for sore eyes!! He spluttered & couldn’t believe the nerve of this auto driver. Husband dearest belligerently went up to warn my mom. My Kunju mama & his wife were lolling there, having a cuppa. Ashok politely nodded to them & turned to his mother-in-law & poured out his story about the audacity of this unknown, but daring auto driver!!

There was a stunned silence in the room, before my mother gently acquainted Ashok with the facts behind the identity of the auto driver. By now, my poor husband was a broken man! Casting an accusing look at me, he staggered out of the room!!

I am pleased to report that our marriage weathered the “auto” storm!! Today Ashok is a seasoned player in this bizarre family drama! Since then, many other dark, khaandani secrets have seen the light of day – my mother in a weak moment confessed that she had actually been a passenger in her brother’s auto. A fact which we’ll blackmail her with for the rest of her life!!

We did wonder as to how my aunt had agreed to the auto way of life as a passenger, until some good investigation on Chitra’s part revealed a disturbing side to her personality …. This is a mini short story …..

Now what do all of us do when we put on weight? Hit the gym. Burn calories on the treadmill. Go for brisk walks. Or make peace with the flab like I have done! Like my kind (?) friend Nalini says, ‘theres more of you to love!' But Kunju-ki-better-half was not going to tread the regular routes. So here comes the part I love – she spent a week converting some of that fortune I talked about, into one rupee coins. Once she had a bag full of clinking coins, her work-out started. She would spend the whole morning bending & lining all the edges of the floors of her house with the coins. Once that was accomplished, she then set about picking ‘em up!!! Everyday!!

My sisters and I are a hardened, cynical lot & it takes a lot to impress us – we were filled with awestruck admiration for this unique exercise routine. We approved – this was a jodi kamaal ki & she proved herself as a worthy passenger of the auto!!

Life comes full circle. From being a skeleton in my cupboard, my Kunju mama is someone I brandish to Ashok with, “mere paas Kunju mama hai”, tumahare paas kya hai?!”