From 'Mommy Dearest' to 'Mommy Meanest!'

This dates back to a lifetime ago, when I viewed parenting through rose tinted spectacles. Perched high on a fluffy pink cloud of thoughts, I fantasized about being the perfect, cool mom, a charming breath of fresh air to Generation Next, who would bridge the ugly gap b/w conservative, old fashioned adults and the youth brigade. I envisaged yours truly as the proud bearer of the flag of understanding, friendship, peace and change. In unguarded moments when I allowed rational adults like my mother into my dream world, they reacted the way any normal, sane individual would, by sneering, & firmly squashing my thoughts, as the delirious ranting of an unhinged mind!!

Cut to the present: Life in the Mommy lane is as real as it can get. All those myths, duly exploded in my face, and am today a wiser soul, with healthy fear for the ‘nayi peedi’!! As for being the hip, break-through parent, forget it!! The few pleasures left in life are to play your trump card, the ‘I’m your mother and you have to listen to me’ dialogue, and make your precious child’s life miserable!!

This enlightened stage of Nirvana? Allow me to walk u through the rocky road which led to it …

*If music be the food for life, stick to your kind. I tried to keep pace with Brittney Spears & Blue & …. By the time I figured out who was who & what & how to download & upload, Ms Spears was yesterday’s bad news & branded an incapable mom who doesn’t wear underpants!! Her posters were ripped off my daughter’s pink walls along with Blue who I believe are now passé! The so called ‘hip’ music in my car arouses peals of laughter from the modern Ms who brands it “old”!! I guess by that definition, my dire straits, eagles, bread & bhooley bisrey geet qualify for antiquity!!

*Adam Smith would be proud of the rigid ‘division of labor’ executed in Shiksha’s social life. Once upon a time I had visions of being a back-slapping, bum chum of my daughter’s pals, & us cool dudes hanging out together. But parents are parents, and teenagers, teenagers, and the twain shall never meet. Yeah sure, the mom has her uses – I mean whose gonna order the pizzas, keep the pepsi flowing & answer phone calls? We had to wear decent clothes as well, but on that one, I rebelled & now Shiksha and co have disgustedly come to terms with my shabby kaftans and unkept hair!! If I have to work like a maid, what’s the harm in looking like one??!! So there we are on our respective islands and not complaining!

*If someone can track fashion preferences of the 'young & the restless & bottle it, it will sell like hot cakes!

*I hope Papa dearest is reading this because this is reinforcement of the simple truth that he has to work very hard to pay to keep his darling diva well turned out. The weird part is that it’s all very convoluted – we’ve bought dozens of killer heeled affairs each of which cost more than what I’ve spent on shoes in my considerable lifetime, but she wont be seen dead in any of them, so converse to the rescue. Ditto with jeans & jackets – we buy ‘em like they’re going outta style, but what u buy, u don’t wear, that’s the fashion mantra!

*So farewell to the chilled out mom who mall hops and shops with her ‘batty beti’, & welcome the party pooper whose presence is to contain & curb fashion enthusiasm!! My role is restricted to posing unreasonable queries which put pressure on our parivaar’s Paris Hilton like – ‘will u actually wear this?’ or ‘do u need it?”. Am cordially disliked, and dismissed as the conventional, cold, unfeeling parent who has no finer emotions. Being a trendy, popular mommy or avoiding bankruptcy?? The latter option, pretty please!!

*Confession time – Ashok as a parent scores better than me – hez more refined and actually believes that there’s more to life than academics, unlike the crass Indian in me which hollers for perfect scores & the comparison game – how much did everyone else get? Kya karein, control nahin hota!!

*The bonding, the understanding, the friendship … will happen eventually like it did for me. After the travails of parenting and hard core truth hammered into me, thought gratefully of my much maligned parents, and today, we empathise, & are at peace with each other.

*Patience is the name of the game. There is light at the end of the tunnel. As Scarlett said, ‘tomorrow’s another day’ and there will be camaraderie, tolerance & a state of cease fire …. But right here, right now, ‘Mommy dearest’, serenely & calmly remains “Mommy Meanest”!!