confessons of a house-wife!

What happens when a ruthless, uncompromising, & unpleasant individual (read Uma!) quits working, ostensibly for the welfare of her one and only off-spring ……

Can a leopard change it’s spots?? So while the environment shifts, the spots so to say, remain intact, and you just focus your maniacal energy and cut-throat spirit on the wretched victims on the home front!!

So from being a dreaded, aggressive, bloodthirsty colleague, u become, well, a dreaded, aggressive, bloodthirsty home-maker!!!

Welcome to the world of a blissful convert – the house-wife!!

‘You’ve worked all your life – u’ll get bored and be climbing the walls’ rang in my ears when I broke the news to all and sundry about my decision to become a regular ‘hussif’!!

Once upon a time (lamentably I’ve scaled that age in my life where I can use this phrase meaningfully!!), when shame and pride still resided in me, I would nod virtuously, & with a halo gleaming around my large head, bravely acknowledge society’s warning with the clichéd “I choose my child over a career”, my feet soaking in a puddle of self-righteousness!

There’s something about the fabulous forties which is very liberating …. cherish that don’t-care-spirit which is now a permanent member in my large being! Enter the decadently delirious house-wife coming out of her closet!!

The off-spring for which u claimed to sacrifice bravely for has since then spread her wings and now takes good care of herself, and the disgraceful truth is, probably me too!!

Art of living, meditation, yoga …. Move over – let me suggest the finest technique to find peace and tranquility.

The moment u wave good bye to your loved ones, cheerily wish the reluctanct school and office- goers a good day, & ….. shut the door on ‘em and the outside world. Friends, an empty house to yourself is a retreat, your sanctuary ….. this is therapy by itself, and it does’nt get better than that!!

Simon and Garfunkel, bless you, you sure did know what u were talking about in ‘the sounds of silence” – so soothing in your private haven, which offers endless possibilities to tantalize! Should u dive back into bed, dig your nose into that book u were reading, finally read the paper or ….????

Yeah, decision making, but of the most delicious & sinful kind!! Your steaming cuppa coffee, with music, or savored unaccompanied, or by your side while browsing the net??!!

Now the computer soulfully offers itself as a worthy partner-in-crime. No longer used for uninspiring stuff like budgets & sales figures, u step into a debauched & depraved arena where u ‘knowledge badhaao’ with earth shattering facts like Lindsay Lohan going into rehab or that Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie are best friends again!!

Old habits die hard, so the compulsive streaks continue – any matter has to be investigated .... Thanx to handling all that interrogation, Ashok, has emerged a stronger man! He claims that the lessons learnt under terror have equipped him to face the Gestapo cheerfully!!

My loving spouse and daughter are convinced that even if they have a date with death & destiny, this control freak will rustle ‘em up from their graves, or ashes, make them straighten a cushion, or put away their shoes, and then give them the nod to rest in peace!!!

Will Shiksha and Ashok write someday about their tortured lives, or pour their victimized hearts out to a shrink … definitely!!! But after my death, over my grave, because today they are too oppressed, and live under the hood of fear of the obsessive house-wife!!

Some trade secrets:
When people sympathise with your lot, put on a martyred act and go along with it. I nod with a sad, brave smile, indicating ‘all for my kid’ while mentally doing a jig of delight!!! A 24x7 holiday paid for by poor pati-dev …. Wicked!!

Candor & openness with hubby dearest, not a good idea!! I mean, added to the fact that he slogs like a dog to provide for his unproductive family, he is also staggering under the guilt of denying this saint of sacrifice, namely me, a career! Now that’s the kinda math I approve of!!

Moral of the story: I have a couple of ‘em:

*Honesty, definitely not the best policy!

*Having your cake and eating it too – so possible!