The predicament of the compliment!

I modestly declare that we Tam-Brahms are a humble lot – as ‘umble as Uriah Heep, in ‘David Copperfield’!

The humility doesn’t come from a Tamizh Brahmin DNA strain. TB’s are not born ‘umble, you have to become ‘umble – from years of conditioning & practice, emerges a fine, unassuming Tam Brahm specimen, who has no illusions about himself/herself.

I can imagine our TB ancestors at Boot Camp of sorts, where the desire to pay a compliment, is stomped ruthlessly out of you!

There are many things which a Tam-Brahm can do. But while there is nothing that ‘Rajni-Can’t’ do, there is, shocker, something that nammu Tam-Brahm sucks at. So ‘Pappu can’t dance’ & the TB cannot pay a compliment!

Once upon a time, I skipped home with my report card & happily presented it to my parents, unfortunately, in the presence of the rest of the family. I was rather proud (I was young & uninitiated into the TB way of modest living then!) of my marks in English & History. But the report card was yanked out of my hands by the Senior of the family, who through practice & determination, had perfected the ‘Tam-Brahm-Vision”, which allows your eyes to blank out everything else, except Math marks. He scornfully read out my disgraceful performance in the only subject recognised by any self respecting TB & I learnt the first TB doctrine of life – ‘Only those who get ‘Centum’ in Math, get ‘Cent’ to heaven! Ah well, while the climate is supposed to be awesome in Heaven, I believe the company rocks in my future home – hell!!!

The meek, unassuming TB did not happen overnight. Many layers of complex conditioning go towards the moulding of one modest Brahmin. Every family has their own modus operandi, but the goal is one & the same! My kudumbam’s signature training technique was the Group Insult Method!

An ‘umble illustration – Kalyanams/Shaadis are locations where this method thrives. No matter how early you try to make it for a family wedding (ours are mainly at unearthly morning muhurtams), the core committee, representing the family, always gets there before you & are seated strategically, at a vantage point to attack on entry, without warning.

So unsuspecting (till you get wiser) souls like my siblings & I, with our reluctant & sleepy off springs, fall right into the trap ... Greetings vary from a charming, “OMG, you have become so fat”, “Why have you cut your hair so short? You look like a German soldier”, “Looks like you have forgotten how to wear a sari”, to “Your daughter can’t speak Tamizh properly” to “She doesn’t know how to eat in an ‘elai” .... All this said, with grim smiles, affectionate hugs, warm looks ... it’s an art form!

With all your confidence, sense of well being & assurance knocked out of you, you stand before them, vulnerable, exposed & ashamed. A few more such sessions (because we are suckers for punishment) & voila, emerges the Humble Tam-Brahm for life!

This is a thorough lot – so there are refresher courses at regular intervals. Tools are many – in my case, my offspring was used to highlight the importance of being humble!

On a visit to an aunt’s place, she surprisingly received my daughter well & complimented her on her “long, thick, shiny hair” – I was in the seventh heaven of ecstasy; at last, some praise! But my joy was short-lived, as she proceeded, with a puzzled look & wondered aloud – “How come you have such nice hair? You couldn’t have got it from your mother (yours truly!), because she has such thin, short hair!!

An uncle, who heard my mother gush (the most non-committal TB moms, like my Amma, make gushing grand moms!) about her granddaughter’s academic abilities, remarked firmly, “Must have got that ability from Uma’s husband’s side of the family, because, duh, Uma was not very good at studies!” Hallelujah, one refreshed & humbled TB ponnu!

My husband used to be a fascinated & engaged spectator, full of admiration for my phamily’s blunt honesty & commitment to the cause at hand. Until, he achieved the near impossible – acceptance from the family, which meant that they would be gracious to invest their ‘humbling’ skills on the ‘Maapillai’. Again, daughter dearest, who had grown taller, was greeted with, “Oh, how nice & tall you have become. We were really worried, because you see, your father is so short!”

I had one outraged, indignant husband on my hands, but the ‘glass is half full’ way of looking at it is that, it was a moment in his life, when he was upgraded, from son-in-law, to son of the family!

We weathered that storm, earned our ‘Humble Tamizh Brahmin’ stripes & now look forward to the day, when our now almost adult daughter, will be initiated, into that evolved group! Somewhere, in a far away land, is our innocent & uninitiated jigar-ka-tukda, unsuspecting of what lies ahead!