The Facebook Commandments!

The other day, a friend of mine, a relative newcomer to Facebook, seemed puzzled & confused. She was hurt, that she posted such witty, clever, funny stuff (& she is genuinely hilarious!) & no one responded!

Being the Senior Citizen on Facebook, I sat her down, like a wise old man & asked her, whether she took the trouble to read other people's posts /updates & if she so, did she also comment, appreciate & offer an opinion?
She confessed that she really didn't.

So I sat the newcomer down (that she is past 50 didn't matter; it is the Facebook years that count!) & introduced her to the...

'Facebook Commandments!
'

• Thou shalt comment occasionally, to let the other person know you care!

• Thou shalt at least 'Like', if you can't 'Comment', because all Facebookers need that TLC to keep 'em warm!

• Thou may allow yourself the luxury of not responding once in a while, but it is sacrilege to ignore posts of personal triumph, phamily stuff etc.

• Thou shalt express grief, but for heaven’s sake, do not 'like' posts about sorrow & loss!

• Thou shalt Never 'Comment' on anything on your offspring's page. You have been given the honour of being on her friend list & you don't want that privilege withdrawn! I am proud to report, that recently, after exemplary behaviour & displaying remarkable restraint, I was recently promoted on my daughter's page & granted a 'Like' allowance! Having subsequently 'Liked' fifty pics all at once, am on shaky ground currently!

• Thou shalt remember, that while you can carefully photoshop & adjust your pictures, to look hot, glowing & trimmer; you have no control over tagged photos, enthusiastically posted by friends, where you always look your scary worst!

• Thou shalt enjoy the silver lining, that while in the real world, you can't shut people up, facebook offers you hope, with that sinfully delicious option called 'Delete'!

• Thou will realiseth that breaking up on facebook is a dream - you simply 'Unfriend'!!! A heady experience, I must add! In our 'jawani-diwani' phase on facebook, every time I had a fight with my husband, I 'unfriended' him & he had to worm his way back to my list! Till the clever facebook janta caught on & knew exactly when the Kaushiks fought & made up.... not that anyone really cared!!!

• Thou shalt work, parent, cook, clean.... but you must NEVER be late for Facebook! I am proud to say that recently, I have been awarded 'Punctuality' points by facebook & a certificate, personally signed by Marc Zuckerberg, which holds pride of place on the walls of my humble abode!

Facebook Wisdom:

Say what you want (no one can beat you up on Facebook!);

Be who you want (no one will know the truth!);

Look the way you want (Photoshop & the 'crop' key to trim off the ugly portions of your hips - zindabad & when people on Planet Earth actually see you, face to face, they won't recognise you!!!);

The only entertainment expenses will be your internet bills;

Be the change you want to see on Planet Facebook!

Where the mind is without fear & the head is held high,
Into that heaven of Facebook, let my friends awake!!